i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
