Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
