I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
