Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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