Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
