i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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