She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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