I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
