It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
