There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
When are your genitals available?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
