bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
