I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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