I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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