if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
