My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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