I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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