Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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