ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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