And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
