Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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