he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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