I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
