We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
