do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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