I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
