Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
This show inspires me to have sex in space
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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