So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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