is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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