my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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