The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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