Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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