If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
