four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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