dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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