Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
