Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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