How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
