His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
