Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
