I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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