i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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