Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Thank you for not boning my boss.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize