Your face is a jimmy john
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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