i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
