yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I had to cum in my sink.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
