1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize