He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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