There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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