That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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