please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
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