Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
