I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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