What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
