there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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