At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
