So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
