I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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