I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
