i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
