if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
