Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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