took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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