I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
