he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Randomize
