i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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