I can tuck mytits in my pants
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
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