he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just gift wrapped bread.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
