no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
