Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
