Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
