Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
