omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
