i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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