Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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