bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
