You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
