just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
