Actions speak louder than pants.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
