at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
